Last night I auditioned for Pride and Prejudice. It was a good time. When I see people at auditions that I know I feel like we're having a mini-reunion that is periodically interrupted by us going on stage and pretending to be different characters. Also, there's a table with cookies.
As I was on my way home, listening to Rufus Wainwright (I LOVE YOU, RUFUS!), I was bopping along with a smile thinking "It's weird how I'm exhilarated and not terrified by auditions. Shouldn't I be all worried with my stomach tied up in knots? Hm."
Here are the conclusions that I've come to about why I'm not all knotted and scared:
1. If I don't get cast in this show, it doesn't mean that I will never be in another show, ever. I used to kind of think this was a possibility - that the taint of not being cast would get on me and I'd be doomed. It's false. I have not been cast, then cast, then not been cast and then cast again. Shows are independent of each other in that way.
2. The part where you're on stage is generally more fun than scary (because you're ACTING! and that's why you're there after all!), it's the in-between parts that are scary, and only if you're alone and not surrounded by 20-50 people who you've worked with before and already like and can joke and chat with. Also, run-on sentences can be scary. And prepositions at the ends of sentences. And fragments. Hold me.
3. Certainly there have been times when I've auditioned for a show and thought "I'll cry cry cry if I don't get X part!", but more often there are a few parts that would be totally fun to do. Luckily P&P has several wonderful chick parts and if I get any of them I'll be a lucky duck. So, I happily tried to perform each of them as well as I could and let the chips fall where they may. There were a ton of talented women at auditions and many more audition times so I know that I'm in good company. Just because I (or they) don't get X or Y part does not mean that I (or they) didn't kick some ass and do my (their) best. What more could I ask of myself?
4. This is a hobby. If I take it too seriously it will become as stressful and un-fun as a(my) regular job, and I don't want that. I want to come into the building smiling and leave smiling. I want to act as much as possible. I want to go out for beers or margaritas or bellinis or whatever after rehearsals or shows. I want to dedicate the time I spend in the theatre to learning and laughing and enjoying myself, to stretching the bounds of what I can do.
That's what it's all about, yes?
Yes. That is what it's all about.