Thursday, July 28, 2011

Doing it right/wrong

I was in free Monday night after work yoga the other night (uh, that would be Monday) and I was thinking about doing a post about yoga, and how there are some things that I am really good at and some things that I am really bad at.

Here's a thing I'm pretty good at:
I'm good at it because I'm bendy and fairly disciplined, with decent balance. I can generally move my body and make it do what I want.

Here's something that I find pretty challenging:
I'm not so much able to find the calm. Even in yoga. I'd say I'm great with the calm and the breathing and the relaxing in the very beginning and end of the practice when we're not doing any actual moves, but while I'm in a position, or transitioning from one to another, I'm frequently miserable.

I've learned to breathe into any discomfort - that is to actually experience and accept the dis-ease and just be there with it because I know it will end. In fact doing so always reminds me of the part in Fight Club when Brad Pitt burns Ed Norton's hand with lye and shouts at him not to go to his peaceful cave. He needs to FEEL it. Well I feel it. You know what else I feel? Anger that I'm not able to do whatever I want with my body. Anger that I'm willingly forcing my body into discomfort. Anger that someone is telling me what to do, telling me to do MORE.

I thought this was me not doing it right. But I realized as I did yoga on Monday and as the new guy struggled next to me, not being able to make his (rather athletic) body do what he wanted it to do, that these feelings are normal. We even talked about it at the end and the instructor said that she'd had MANY times when she wanted to say "Screw you!" to a yoga teacher and stomp off. But. She didn't. And I don't. I wait it out and move on to the next thing and later I realize that I feel like I've done something with myself. And that's when I feel good.

Well today is a half day here at work (well, there's a company picnic at noon so I'd say after a hot dog or two I might sneak out) and tomorrow I'll be heading to the Buff. So, have a great weekend :)

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