Monday, June 13, 2011

Open letter

Dear next door neighbors,

So, we've both been living here for about a year and I think that by now you should know that trash day is Monday on our street. Somerville has laws about putting your trash out on the curb, next to your recyclables (you should also know that recycling is mandatory, not just something you do when you feel like it).
I would like to ask why you think that it is my job to put out all of the trash and the recyclables every single week, and then take the empty containers back in at the end of the day? Why?

There are three of you morons and you don't even sort your recycling most of the time, nor do you break down your cardboard boxes. You leave just before me in the morning and your bright yellow car is parked in front of our building when I get home, so I know you pass by the barrels and bins BOTH times without lifting a finger, Dicknoses. You make at least three times the amount of garbage I do, and yet I'm left to do the work?

I know, you may be asking why I do it every time if I feel so strongly about YOU having some responsibility in this task. Well, I tried to just leave it, but you know what happened? NOTHING. Obviously you have a higher tolerance for living in filth than I do (my tolerance for living in filth, by the way, is zero). I suppose this is just your style, to leach.

Anyway, instead of the quiet rage approach I've been using, I've decided to respond differently this time. Since we are both moving, and I assume that I am moving before you since I'll be out before the end of this month, I will put as much trash as humanly possible in and around our trash bins over the next two weekends, and I will not pull that trash to the curb. I will leave it all for YOU. You will have to move my trash piece by piece to the curb. I will also conveniently snip off all of the handles from every bag I use, thereby forcing you to really commune with my trash, as I have with yours.

You're welcome, Jerks!
Leslie

2 comments:

Just Another Idealist said...

Man, I wish they were staying so they could see what it's like to live without you there. Someday, perhaps they will learn to live like adults.

die Frau said...

I agree with the Idealist.

Karma WILL get them. Their next neighbors will be some kind of freaky meth heads who leave garbage all over the place and play music at odd hours and live above them wearing stompy shoes ALL THE TIME.