I'm not even sure what this is about, except maybe cholesterol and growing up

I went to the doctor on Monday afternoon for a physical*. I made the appointment because I hadn't had a physical in five years, and now I'm in my 30s and I figured my body is starting to disintegrate and it's important to know what kinds of hideous things could break down or go wrong so it seemed like the responsible thing to do. Right? And the last physical I had was kind of a joke: I got a tetanus shot and after that the doctor looked at me and was all "I could check you for scoliosis?" (Yes. He said it with the question mark at the end...). You can see why I went for a physical, then? Good.

After waiting for 40 minutes in the waiting room (which wasn't actually that bad because I was looking at the 2011 IKEA catalog that someone had snagged for me and I fell in love with a picture of a kitchen with wood and stainless steel and a giant sloping wall of windows. I probably could have sat there for quite sometime imaging myself and the Man cooking eggs and drinking coffee and making out in the faint light of the early morning before yoga...anyway), the nurse called me in and I was weighed and heighted and blood pressured very efficiently. The doctor came in to review some things soon after.

She asked me why I made the appointment for a physical. I told her that it was basically because I'm in my 30s and I feared the inevitable break down of my corporeal being. In fact, a couple of times I sited being "in my 30s" and I started to wonder why I was so fixated on that all of a sudden... I also felt bad for lying about my alcohol consumption. I drink more than I said I drink. But hey! I'm a non-parent in my 30s! I am not over-burdened with responsibility! I do what I want!

It was while having these thoughts (while mostly naked except for a humongous dark blue gown that opened in front) that I felt simultaneously old and childish. Old because holy hell did you ever think you'd be 33? Me either. And childish because I felt like I needed to justify myself over and over to this person I perceived to be an authority figure. She was very nice, and not at all judgmental, but I was ready for her to be. I was defensive like a child, with the justifications of an adult.

I frequently think that because I'm unmarried, childless, and a renter that there's all kinds of things about adulthood that I could not possibly understand yet; I live for myself, primarily. It sometimes makes me sad (except when I can drink anytime I want, or spend $300 on anything I want on a whim, or not owe more than my house is worth because of the housing market - those times I like it). But the fact is that I'm an adult, and a pretty successful one. I pay bills on time, I get to work every day, I could tell my parents about most of the details of my life without feeling ashamed. There is nothing wrong with my level of maturity and I need to stop thinking of myself as "suspended"**. I will get to those other things and I will handle them with aplomb because that's the way I roll. I can do it.
Just watch :)


*The results are that I am a superhuman. Wicked healthy. I had this textversation with the Man on my walk home:
Leslie: I am so healthy I am like a rock star! Except healthier!!
Man: Nice. You're a health star?
Leslie: That's right!!

**I want to reference Arrested Development SO MUCH right now!