This is not the longest post in the world, but it might seem that way…

People, in the last 36 hours I have not eaten prime rib nor strapped a giant plastic cowboy boot full of frozen margarita to my body and this is UNACCEPTABLE.

No, just kidding. I had a margarita smoothie for breakfast.

I’m back from Las Vegas and it was SO SO SO much fun. HERE! let me tell you about it in excruciating detail:

Last Wednesday night, the man came over and we watched Deadwood and drank a bottle of proseco and curled up on the couch and I was so excited that I wore myself out and fell asleep almost immediately – which was good, because a cab came to pick us up at 4:45 the next morning. On the short ride to the airport, the cabbie quizzed us (me) on things that I brought v. what I forgot. I forgot NOTHING! Also, he was impressed that I remembered band-aids. (Sidenote: If you are me, you need band-aids ALL THE TIME.)

We flew Boston to Cleveland and made it to our gate in Cleveland JUST as they were calling for final boarding. And that’s all the time a person needs to spend in Cleveland- for real.

When we disembarked in LV we took the airport’s tram to the ground transportation area and experienced the chilling, freezing, aggressiveness that is AIR CONDITIONING (all caps, all the time). I had changed when we got off the plane from a sweater to an off-the-shoulder t-shirt (see below) and my shoulders were made of skin-permafrost by the time we made it outside.

One short cab-ride to the Hilton later and I was on the phone with my brother asking him to meet us in the lobby:

Me: We’re in the lobby, come pick us up, mofo!
Him: Well, I’m in the lobby and I don’t see you…?
Me: Well, um, maybe throw your hands in the air, and wave ‘em like you just don’t care? I’m by the registration desk.
Him: I will not do that. And I’m by the registration desk. You know there are two Hiltons, right?
Me: I will fucking kill you.

So, actually there are THREE Hiltons in Vegas, but the nice lady at the desk said that we were only two blocks away, so we walked. We walked for 40 days and 40 nights! Not really, but it was actually about 30 minutes of walking around construction and drunk people. My man lovingly carried my bag, while I cursed the fact that NO ONE had mentioned multiple Hiltons (they weren’t even on the three maps I’d printed out). Also, Vegas is NOT pedestrian friendly. So, we crossed a few streets at great peril and finally made it to the hotel… bar. No, first we went up to the awesome king-suite and dropped our bags and then we made it down to the poolside bar to greet my brother, his girlfriend, and the spicy Bloody Marys that had our names on them. WOO HOO!


After a little drinking and noshing, we decided to get a move on with the seeing of the sights. We started at the Hard Rock hotel, where my brother did a little table roulette and his gf, the man and I did some DRINKIN’. Some person* had a little too much to drink and we needed to go back to the hotel, which was ok, because we wanted to change and make dinner plans anyway and this is vacation we can do what we want.

*no, it wasn’t me

We called in some dinner reservations at Paris’ Les Artistes Steakhouse and when we got there the place smelled like food heaven. We had a lovely merlot, wonderful warm crusty bread, and I chose the escargots appetizer (in a tiny bread bowl with an herbed wine/garlic sauce) and the halibut with sweet potato gnocchi. Whoa, Nelly, but it was good. Everyone else had some form of steak and it was all fantastic. Then a quick coffee and a giant check later we were in a cab back to the hotel before we all dropped like stones (no we are not incredibly lame going to bed at, like, 8:30 – dinner was about 2.5 hours long and we got back to the hotel at 11 and we had gotten up at 4. YOU do the math!).

On Friday we got up at around 8 and went to breakfast at the bar by the pool. Where they proudly brew and serve Starbucks coffee. Aw yeah. Then my bro and his lady went to a sales pitch for a time share while the man and I… took care of some other business.

We then went to the strip and did some stuff! And went to some places! And drank some drinks! We ended up at the Red Square restaurant in Mandalay Bay (way at the south end of the strip). We had vodka drinks in a Kremlin-y sort of environment (Perostroika, y’all!) and they gave us free caviar and I had giant prawns and we shared some kind of strawberry/Grand Marnier dessert in a giant martini glass and GAH! It was all so very fantastic! Why oh why did I not take pictures of the food?!

We meandered back through The Luxor and Excalibur. We stopped at the Bellagio since we wanted to sit in the Fontana (bar) and have a drink and watch the fountain, but sadly it was closed to those not taking part in a giant poker tournament, so we sufficed with paper cups of booze (I had champagne! Only the best for me!) and watched from outside. Then it was a long, pleasant walk back to the hotel, stopping for coffee and gaping at the ostentation along the way.

We barely had time to watch some premium cable (Tropic Thunder on HBO) before falling right the hell asleep.

Saturday was the day for leaving - my bro was driving back to CA and his fine lady had a flight out at 10-something, so we just had time to have breakfast, say our goodbyes, and shower/clean/pack before the man and I were on our own until 3pm. We stashed our bags with the concierge and went back to the strip. We checked out the Palazzo and Venetian and went to an outdoor bar near Caesar’s for some Bloody Marys. Then we crossed the street at got a beer for $2 at Wild Bill’s. We decided to go back to Paris to gamble and have some lunch. We lost some (hardly any) money gambling, had a free drink, and decided on the Eiffel Tower restaurant for lunch. Best. Decision. Ever. They put us at a corner table that directly overlooked the Bellagio Fountain, which went off no less than five times while we had an extremely tasty lunch (of ridiculous bread, foie gras with fig compote, a smoked salmon sandwich, triple chocolate cake with coffee, and some of the most wonderful, froofy cocktails known to man).


(Sidenote: this guy is so handsome, I pretty much ALWAYS want to grab his face and cover him with sweet sweet kisses)

Then, sadly, it was a cab-ride back to the hotel and off to the airport.

The flight was uneventful but VERY long and turbulent so that I had a raging case of nausea by the time we got back to Boston, and it was raining and people were smoking EVERYWHERE I wanted to breathe non-smoky air, and my man was a hero at getting things done quickly and carrying the bags and getting me and them up the three flights to my apartment. We cuddled and went to bed. The end.**

**Wait! Let me add that my brother and my boyfriend LIKE each other, and I was really concerned that they might not***, and that would make me miserable every day until I die, but hey - it's not an issue. YAY.
***Nope, thee's no reason they wouldn't like each other.

EDITED TO ADD: Nope. No one got married...