Open (sleepy) letter

Dear Guy Screaming Right Outside My Apartment at 4am:

Duuuuuuude. I don't know this "Rita", but she sounds kind of like a bitch. You shouldn't put up with her. I'm not sure why she "gotta keep breakin' your heart", but please stop shouting about it at dark-o'clock because some of us ARE TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP.

Thanks. And, good luck with that.
L