Monday, January 19, 2009

In which I whine some more...

I hope to be transitioning out of what was one of the worst weeks of my adult life.

Last Monday, I lost my job. Now, I was in great company; I was laid off with more than half of the company. But this was a great job. It was a very welcome part of my identity that I was a manager at a start-up that was planning to solve the energy crisis. I managed a great team. Now they're all looking for work too.
Thanks to everyone who said nice things about my bouncing back. Of course I will. And in the meantime I have unemployment insurance. Thanks to you, too, Massachusetts.

On Wednesday my boyfriend and I decided to stop seeing each other. He couldn't commit to loving me and I couldn't deal with no love. I kind of thought that he was the perfect guy for me, but as it turns out, he is terrified of making a decision that could have an impact on the rest of his life. My heart is broken into a million shards, but I don't blame him. Sometimes, you just don't feel what the other person feels. Also, he lost his job last Monday, and I know how different life looks, and how bleak, right now.

If you add on top of that the cabin fever I've had because we've had all of the snow, and the fact that heat is expensive so the apartment is never warmer than 60 degrees (which is lovely outside, but TOO DAMN COLD inside), it's just been kind of awful.

I know that right now, thousands of people are calling the unemployment office, and not getting through. I know that people are wondering how they'll run their cars, how they'll feed their kids, how they'll find work in a broken economy. I'll be fine, but every day for the last week I've spent some amount of time crying and cursing my current situation. I've spent time being sorry and ashamed and confused and wondering if I'll ever have a life I can feel stable in, and a partner I can trust to stick.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Reminder: tomorrow is Inaugeration Day! That's gotta make you feel better on some level.
Some day you will look back on this blog, shake your head knowingly & remember the old days...