Dear L'Oreal Paris,
Recently, I stumbled (I'd had some Jack Daniels - don't judge me!) into my local CVS to buy some toothpaste. Feeling vulnerable and impressionable, I found myself in front of the vast make-up continent occupying the entire east half of the store. Holy Potato, L'Oreal! You have a lot of products! You probably know that. Now I'm pretty bad at things make-up related, but occasionally, there's no getting around it.
You see, L'Oreal, I act in plays. In order to be under the bright lights and not look like a corpse, one needs to wear make-up pretty aggressively. I'm happy to do it. Every now and then it's fun! But, the challenge is finding quality products that fit your role. Currently, I'm acting with a theatre group who works in a space with no air conditioning. In July. I need products that don't melt off my face and make me look like a Dali painting. Additionally, I have a stage kiss. It's important that after said kiss, I and my kissing partner (Jenny, if you must know) are not covered in lip-goo.
L'Oreal, I know you understand. You've no doubt coated the lips of many a starlet. This cannot be new information that I'm giving you here! So, why are you playing me?
Back to the CVS where I plunked down my $11.99 plus 5% MA state sales tax: I hurriedly went home and lovingly laid my new L'Oreal Infallible Lip Color (or Couleur, since you're a saucy Parisian) in my make-up case for use the next day.
The next day came: hot and sticky, as promised. I applied (with excitement) shade #75 (Zinfandel) onto clean lips - as specified - and waited the requisite 1 minute before application of the clear conditioning top coat. A few minutes later, and I checked my pouty kisser in the mirror. What the HELL, L'Oreal?!?!
So, when you promise an "even application", do you actually mean that the color beads up on your lips like little bits of pencil eraser? And when you indicate that the color is "super long lasting", what are you referring to? The color fell off my lips about two hours after I put it on! When I hear "super long lasting", I want it to compete with my 18-hour-bra in terms of longevity!
Damn you, L'Oreal. This is the last time you seduce me with your clever packaging and marketing BS. I'm outta here. Plus, you totally owe me $12.59.