hindsight

Sometimes I do this thing. I will have a conversation with someone, and for some reason it isn't going well: Either I'm wrong about something, or the other person is, or we misunderstand each other, or for whatever reason we're not on the same page, and I am weird. Not impolite, or aggressive, just a little weird. And then I look back on the conversation even twenty minutes later and I wish I could have just shaken myself out of the weird, and been nicer or at least less weird.

This morning the Man went to the gym while I was in the shower. It was a regular morning, except we're getting a dumpster delivered to the house because of debris and work in the basement. I knew this, though I wasn't thinking about it. I was thinking about a test I have later. I haven't been driving a lot to work in favor of taking the T but especially not on Mondays because I have class in Harvard and there's no where to park in Harvard - especially right after work, especially in the cold weather. So I walked to the T in the morning. As a train was making its way into the station, the Man (who had gotten home from the gym) called asking for my car keys (so he could move my car, because we're getting a dumpster delivered in the driveway today, as I mentioned). I misunderstood and thought he wanted my house keys because maybe he didn't take his keys to the gym. So because of the misunderstanding I had to walk back to the house (only 5 minutes away). I wasn't mad or upset, but I was a little confused. He was also a little confused. And though no one was rude, I was definitely weird. Now I think I should have just been really nice because why wouldn't I be really nice to him all the time? If he didn't do anything wrong (neither of us did), why was I weird*?

Why am I weird?

I feel like this is an important question on the minds of many (about me, or about themselves. take your pick).

I'm going to try not to think of this too much today in favor of doing actual work and occasionally thinking about balance sheets and income statements (the subjects of my test later).

*I sent him a follow up text saying that I was sorry we misunderstood each other and that I was hoping he had a good day. I have not gotten a return text from him because he does not always text me back within 5 minutes because he has things to do but this always makes me feel a bit vulnerable. Because I am maybe overly sensitive.

UNRELATED BUT STILL WEIRD: Last night I had a dream that the Man and I were on vacation and he and I and a third party friend of mine were having a threesome. "Woo Hoo" you might be saying to yourself, "sexy times!" No. As it turns out I was the only one in the threesome not enjoying myself and when I woke up I made a mental note NOT to engage in any threesomes with the Man and anyone else. I know you should never say never, but I'm going to throw caution to the wind and label this thing a "never".

Seriously, I am working.....now.