Textversation with J, the day after she got her wisdom teeth out while she was watching Planet Earth and I was stripping wallpaper

J: Otters are the cutest!
L: They're made of magic!
J: With a dash of rainbows
L: And a single old-fashioned doughnut on the horn of a unicorn
J: I love unicorns
L: They taste sooooo good.
J: Gross!
L: I have fed you unicorn meat on no fewer than seven occasions and you loved that shit.
J: I thought I could trust you. I thought we had something special.
L: We do! We are bound forever in a secret club of unicorn-eaters. So should I not tell you about the time I fed you muppet?
J: Oh I've had muppets dozens of times. They're very high in iron and vitamin A
L: Oh, snap! You turned that right around on me you silly little otter. mmmmm... otter.
J: I don't think I'd like otter. They're probably really fatty like duck.
L: Well then I'll eat your otter and you can eat my muppet.
J: I love our relationship. Of course, that could be the spell cast by the secret unicorn meat.
L: I'll never know. And frankly I don't care WHY, I just know that I love you like gravy loves muppet thigh.
J: Stop! It hurts to laugh!


I feel like this is where Sam the Eagle would come in and tell us we are all weirdos. And then we would roast* Sam the Eagle with carrots and potatoes. Like you do...

*No but seriously, I could never eat Sam the Eagle. That would be wrong. I don't eat blue foods...