How NOT to eat an entire 6.5 ounce bag of Red Hots for dinner

1. Go and run several errands after work.
2. In the course of these errands go to Michael's to get some yarn.
3. Wait in line for approximately 37 minutes despite it being 7:40pm on a Tuesday. Spy Red Hots in the "impulse buy" section.

4. Purchase those Red Hots.
5. Decide on the way home that these Red Hots will be dinner (maybe along with some red wine - ADULTHOOD!).
6. When you get home and are still in the driveway in the car determine that you can't wait for one more second and rip open the bag, spilling half the contents all over your car and the driveway (because the door was open).
7. Put approximately 30 Red Hots in your mouth and spend 10 minutes picking up all of the errant Red Hots.
8. Come inside, trash the escaped Red Hots, pour yourself some wine.
9. Then some more...
10. After all the wine you're a little tipsy, so you should probably eat something healthy.
11. Half a bunch of kale? YES. Sauté that shit right up.
12. Eat all the kale (Eat ALL the kale? Yes.).
13. Congratulations! You have not eaten all of the Red Hots and now there are still leftover Red Hots.