Thursday, August 4, 2011

Know what I mean? Probably not. This post doesn't make a ton of sense.

You know when you (I) think that you're (I'm) pretty good at a thing* and then you (I) do it with someone who's like, a hundred times better than you (me)** and you (I) no longer see your (my) talent so much as a flood of disappointment where your (my) talent used to be?

You know what I mean... right? You (I) kind of want to punch yourself (myself) in the face?

*I am pretty good at this thing. Otherwise people wouldn't keep casting me. Whoops. Did I give myself away there?

**Yes, this is totally subjective***, but please indulge me whilst I indulge my own self-centeredness  and raging jealousy for a moment.

***And no, generally I don't need to compare myself to anyone**** because I do it for fun and I always do have fun. And the people are good and it let's me be creative. Also, there's frequent swearing in church and who doesn't love that? (sorry Jesus)

****Except one time in high school - it was not my finest moment. I got a B in our Intro to Acting class and I found out that this other girl that I did not like (she never seemed to try, so much as show up and stare into space) got an A. I went to the teacher and said I was upset that I got a B and she got an A. He told me that he wasn't comparing her to me but to her past performances, and she had improved. I hadn't improved as much over my past performances so I got a B. Oh. And I suppose it wasn't any of my business what she got...

I am not really a sad clown about this or anything. Mostly I just wish I had the power to make myself BETTER! at anything and also EVERYTHING! I would like to be the smartest and the strongest and the BEST. Wait, I'm none of those things? OH DANG!

EDITED TO ADD: Ok. Due to extremely awesome supportiveness, this crisis has been 100% fixed. Thanks!


Just Another Idealist said...

You do have the power to make yourself better. Classes exist for just that purpose.

Anonymous said...

I try to respond to this (and usually manage it pretty well) by 1) enjoying how working with them forces me to the top of my game and 2) focusing on what I'm bringing to the show. Very few shows work with just one actor.

And now I'm totally curious which of your castmates is inspiring this. Can't wait to see the show!

Anonymous said...

I think you're really great, and have been loving the opportunity to play off you in AYLI; you really challenge me to bring my A game so I can keep up with you.