You know when you (I) think that you're (I'm) pretty good at a thing* and then you (I) do it with someone who's like, a hundred times better than you (me)** and you (I) no longer see your (my) talent so much as a flood of disappointment where your (my) talent used to be?
You know what I mean... right? You (I) kind of want to punch yourself (myself) in the face?
*I am pretty good at this thing. Otherwise people wouldn't keep casting me. Whoops. Did I give myself away there?
**Yes, this is totally subjective***, but please indulge me whilst I indulge my own self-centeredness and raging jealousy for a moment.
***And no, generally I don't need to compare myself to anyone**** because I do it for fun and I always do have fun. And the people are good and it let's me be creative. Also, there's frequent swearing in church and who doesn't love that? (sorry Jesus)
****Except one time in high school - it was not my finest moment. I got a B in our Intro to Acting class and I found out that this other girl that I did not like (she never seemed to try, so much as show up and stare into space) got an A. I went to the teacher and said I was upset that I got a B and she got an A. He told me that he wasn't comparing her to me but to her past performances, and she had improved. I hadn't improved as much over my past performances so I got a B. Oh. And I suppose it wasn't any of my business what she got...
I am not really a sad clown about this or anything. Mostly I just wish I had the power to make myself BETTER! at anything and also EVERYTHING! I would like to be the smartest and the strongest and the BEST. Wait, I'm none of those things? OH DANG!
EDITED TO ADD: Ok. Due to extremely awesome supportiveness, this crisis has been 100% fixed. Thanks!