Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The food is questionable, but the guilt is real

Last night I went to rehearsal. I got there pretty late, and yet I missed almost nothing, so I guess that was good... I had quickly gotten a burrito before getting to Harvard, but I've definitely been at rehearsals where I was starving and oh jeebus if I only had something to eeeeaaaaattttt...
This is why I was not surprised to see people munching on various things. I was surprised to find that I had a weird response to someone eating a Snickers bar.

The guy eating the (full-sized!) Snickers is a super nice guy. And he's a slim guy. There was no reason for him not to be casually enjoying a candy bar (reminder: the whole bar). But you know what the first thought was in my head (the first thought after MUST. EAT. SNICKERS. CAN'T. EAT. SNICKERS.)?

It was: How dare you be able to eat that Snickers bar without crippling guilt and teary remorse?

Trust me when I tell you he was not feeling the guilt or the remorse. I majored in Psych. I can tell.

I'm not sure why I was so mad(?)/jealous(?), as it's not like I never eat chocolate or delicious things. I'm not diabetic or on some crazy diet. It's just... Have you ever seen how luxuriously large* a Snickers bar is compared to, say, its "fun sized" counter-part? It's huge. And there's so much nutty chewy goodness**. I was standing there looking at him blithely eating that whole bar at once, and I had to just walk away. Because I cannot do that.

Here's the breakdown of what happens when I eat a snickers bar in its entirety (I don't remember the last time this happened, but let's be hypothetical):
I open the snickers.
A. This is delicious! I should really just have one more nibble and put the rest away for later. Seriously.
B. Well I haven't even really eaten half of this thing. It's really more like a fun-sized Snickers, and they're not so bad. Right? RIGHT?!?
C. How did I get here? I've eaten more than half of this! I need to just put this away RIGHT NOW. Ok. Putting it away...
D. I am a bad person with a weak mind. Other people can eat half a Snickers bar and leave it at that, why can't I? What is wrong with me? Am I mentally ill? Do I have some disorder? Why can't I just stop at half the stupid bar? WHY?? I WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!
E. Fuck it.

*I do not work for, nor am I receiving any compensation from the good people at M&M/Mars.
**No, really. I just think they taste good. No one's paying me.***
***Although, if someone wanted to pay me, I would take some peanut M&Ms.****
****Fun sized packs only, please.

EDITED TO ADD: During the writing of this post I noticed that someone had made home-made baklava and put it in the cafeteria downstairs. I had a piece. I am so weak.

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