RIF

I try not to write about my job, because I know that doing that could get me in trouble. Like, if more than just my college friends read this and then went and told my boss or my HR department. Sometimes I want to write about it because something cool happened or because I feel like I traded personal fulfillment for money. But! That's neither here nor there.

Last week my company had a RIF. What's a RIF, you non-businessy types are wondering?

It's a Reduction In Force. Thank Jeebus we have an acronym for it! That way we can distance ourselves. We RIF'd 40% of the employees here. I was not one of them. It's not a good feeling getting laid off, but it's tough being one of the people left, too.

In early 2009 I was laid off from what I considered a great job. I was scared, sad, and a little ashamed - even though the company was going under and many good people were let go.

My company now is not going under, and I won't discuss the reasons for the RIF. But I knew it was coming and I had mixed feelings about it. I can't say that I wasn't looking forward to time to catch up on personal projects. And Sleep. Do you remember sleep? I feel like I do.

At the same time I hate the feeling I get when telling someone I'm out of work. I know there's much less of a stigma about it in this extremely crappy economy, but I still feel like I should have a job because I'm... ME. I'm productive and smart and helpful and dependable. And if my idea of being these things is tied up in my work, and I have no work, well... do you see where I'm going with this?

In any case, now that I know I still have a job, I have mixed feelings about that, too. But I'll try to keep a positive attitude and to make myself as valuable as possible. I have a tendency to take the negative feelings and ride them out, but I'm making a decision to get happy and be grateful that I have a job.
Because I remember thinking in early 2009 that I would have been so grateful JUST TO HAVE A JOB.

That doesn't mean that I'll stay here forever, just that I won't make it seem like a prison sentence.