Some fish LOVE LIFE! Here's an example. It's Mr. F while he was still living in the warming glow of PetSmart:
But now there are some fish that are having a hard time.
OK. It's my fish: Mr. F. He is failing to thrive. Here he is now (barely) living in the harsh wasteland that is my apartment:
He is... dying. Now I have two opinions about this.
This is kinda sad. But! He's a fish! Second only to "sea monkeys" in the realm of disposable pets! I probably killed six or seven fish when I was little and I barely cared.
I'm a little too sad about this. Not in a with-every-breath-I-take-I-think-of-Mr.F kind of way, but more like in a every-life-is-precious kind of way. In a I-don't-want-animals-to-suffer kind of way.
I thought that as an adult I'd be able to actually take care of a fish but apparently I can't and he's totally dying. And this is right on the heels of Conan getting into fights and being scratched up and finding a weird scratch/bald spot on Kail and being hyper-sensitive to any bad pet-mojo that might be going around. I just want to snuggle the hell out of those little fuckers and this fish thing has kind of exacerbated the situation. I've had dreams that also don't make this any better.
The answer is, I think, to go with my snuggly inclinations and give my cats the best lives possible*. Also, I don't ever want any more fish. We clearly don't understand each other. Instead, I will keep the fishbowl and grow plants in it and it will be known as the Mr. F Memorial Gardens. I think that has a nice ring to it.
*Update on the whole I-can-never-sleep-because-of-the-cats thing: I have been sleeping better with the cats in or out of the apartment at night, I assume because they have ample outside time. I still get up several times, or at least I still wake-up, but it's not like the marathon of staying awake for hours that I had before. Soooo that's good. The bad thing is that this apartment just doesn't feel like a home** to me. It's nice, and I like it, but it's not my home. I'll keep working on that and doing what I can. We'll see...
**There always seems to be some complain-y-ness in my posts, but I'm fine. Life is lovely and I'm happy to be living it where I am. It probably deserves more than a side note but last night I had an impromptu dinner with two of my favorite people. We had fresh farmer's market veggies and we laughed and talked. We then went to a new restaurant/bar in Davis Square to celebrate another friend's birthday. We also invented a new kind of hug (I belive it is called the "three way neck hug with quick kiss"). Then the Man came and we had one last drink before heading to my place and spooning to sleep.
Life: she is so good.