Monday, September 27, 2010

30 Days of Truth

I believe the 30 Days of Truth started here, but I saw it here.

There were other updates I was going to make today, like the fact that I took the trash out and sorted some of the recycling IN THE RAIN because my idiot neighbors are idiots and cannot behave like adults. I have decided to print out a copy o Somerville's recycling laws and hand them over. Also, I think I'm only going to take out the trash every other week and they can step up to do the rest.

Also, the Man and I tried to watch Weeds this weekend (I'd Netflixed the first season). Wow, that's a shitty show. It reminded me of Desperate Housewives (I saw the first two episodes of DH when it came out and decided I hated it) with its incredibly clich├ęd treatment of families and gender roles. Oh, yay! Another show where the whole family hates each other and no one tries to understand anyone. Also! More teen sex! And drugs for 10-year-olds! What a hilarious story!*

It was a delightful weekend, though - the weather was beautiful and I spent time with lovely people doing things I enjoy like eating and drinking and walking around chatting...

BUT! I'm already behind since this is apparently Day 4 of the Days of Truth things. So, here goes:

1. Something I hate about myself
I am quick to judge. I use my own perspective and my own history to inform all of these judgments so I tend to sympathize with people who come from similar backgrounds and education levels. Not that I'm blind to what other people go through, I'm just a lot slower to understand them and their motivations. It's lead me to misjudge and to come off as a less-than-awesome person. I usually get to a place of understanding, but sometimes I need help to get there.

2. Something I love about myself
Over the years of my adulthood I've come to understand that it's a good thing to find qualities in myself that I love. So, here's one: I can step up and get shit done. Sure, I procrastinate when it comes to certain tasks, but if there's something that needs to get done well and on time, I can do it. This part of me has come in handy so many times. And, I like that because of it people can count on me.

3. Something I have to forgive myself for
I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect. I can't do everything. Trying to live up to unrealistically high standards and being disappointed every time I fall short is a bad pattern and I still haven't learned how to get out of it.
I have to forgive myself for not being the very best - because I kind of think that's what this whole journey is about, right? Getting better, wiser, more compassionate, better at life. I can't expect to have been born with the a priori knowledge of how to do everything and how to win all the time. I beat myself about about this a lot: not living up to standards that I have set. It's something I should learn to let go of, for my own sanity...

4. Something I have to forgive someone else for
This is hard because in general no one has done anything so terrible that I need to actively forgive them. I could try to pull the I'm-such-a-big-person-that-I-never-harbor-ill-will card, but that would be a damn dirty lie. I totally hold grudges. I guess the one person that I still have not forgiven is the guy I married more than ten years ago who made my life kind of hell for the entire time I knew him after the rings were put on. He made me feel like I was unable to have an opinion of my own because ALL of my thoughts were wrong and stupid and bad - luckily, he was around to watch out for me. In short, he tried very hard to brainwash me into thinking that I needed him because no one else cared for me enough and I couldn't survive on my own. Well, he was wrong on both accounts, as it turns out. And I haven't forgiven him, and I haven't tried that hard to forgive him either.

I hope there's some levity in the next few "days of truth", otherwise this could be brutal...


1 comment:

Wonderland said...

1) I feel that way about Weeds too. Which is why I won't watch the show about the guys who's dying and becomes a meth maker (breaking bad?). Watching bad people do bad things is not my idea of a good time.
2) I totally love that you can stand up and get shit done! You are SO AWESOME at that. I love being able to say to myself "ask Leslie to do this, she'll get er done!" As someone who has a A LOT of flaky people in her life, you can't imagine how awesome of a trait this is to me. xoxoxox
3) I can't remember what number three was going to say. Shoot. I should take notes on your blog posts...