An open letter to my eyeball

Dear Right Eye,

Hey! What's up? Don't you just love summer? Yeah. Me too.

So, hey. Um. You've been leaking pretty much ALL DAY. Now, I don't know what's up with you, and I don't want to judge, but, can you stop please?

I've deduced that you're really dry and you're probably tearing up to address the dryness, yes? But listen (look?) the tears are just bypassing the eyeball and rolling down my face so that I'm like that German dude who plays the bad guy (Le Chiffre?) in the first Daniel Craig James Bond movie. It's not cool. The eye itself isn't getting any wetter and I still look like a new widow. Could you just knock it off?

Thanks,
The Rest of the Body

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry, he's Danish, not German...