Matching pants

When you're falling asleep in a meeting while sitting with all 150+ of your fellow employees, and the power point presentation slide you're squinting at has a bullet point that reads:

• Machining Parts

and in your sleepiness you read that as:

• Matching Pants

and then you start to giggle because DUDE why is the VP of Manufacturing talking about matching pants in front of the company, and then you realize that people are looking at you because machining parts isn't at all humorous and you're giggling like it's Clerks II?
That sucks. Especially when you're sitting across from your boss.

Also, the meeting was at company lunch and there was pizza and I ate a piece* of the pizza. There was salad too but it was limp and not even trying to impress me. So I had the margherita because it had the least amount of cheese but it still totally had cheese. I know I am doing the vegan thing this week but it's stupid and I hate it and do you know how it felt to eat that pizza? Do you? RIGHTEOUS. I do what I want. And sometimes I want to eat a thing that's satisfying. And do you know how I felt AFTER I ate the piece** of pizza? Kind of gross actually. Perhaps I should ease into this a little more.

I do think that I will stop and get a burrito on my way home tonight. It's vegan! I can get a bean and veggie burrito with no meat and it will be delicious and guacamole-y and it will practically erase the fact that I ate the cheese at lunch. Is that not how food math works? Do you not bank points for being so good that you can afford to cheat a little? Well that's how MY food math works, baby. Yeah.

Did you see that? I just invented a kind of mathematics.


*Ok. Two pieces.
**Two pieces...