Dear Jerks lingering at the top of the stairs so that I can barely get by and end up splashing hot coffee on my arm while trying, and you don't move AT ALL as if I am invisible:
You suck. Your family sucks. You have something in your teeth. There is no Santa Claus. I replaced your birth control with tic-tacs. Your mothers don't love you. And, there's dog poo on your shoe.
See you in hell!