Thursday, April 4, 2013

Apocalypse Meow



Anybody want to take in two orphan cats?

I was going to write about something else today, but that’s before I was the very unwilling host of the Cat Olympics wrestling event last night. You may have missed it. It happened in the hours between 2 and 5am and took place on my torso.
Usually, about a half hour before the alarm goes off at 6:05, the cats start to get restless. They both sleep on the bed, but one decides that THIS! IS! SPARTA! And gets all aggressive and attacks the other and they tumble off the bed and onto the floor. Then one of them sprints downstairs while the other plays with anything in the bedroom that will make noise (usually some item that the Man left on the floor that should have been put elsewhere).

Last night however, these parasitic little fucks went too far.

The Man has been in Colorado since Saturday and so we’ve had the bed to ourselves. You’d think we’d all take this opportunity to stretch out and lie diagonal on the bed, but NO. I am cuddled into oblivion by these guys, one on each side, as they try to burrow through my body for warmth or something. This has meant that so far I wake up sore at about 5:30 to 6am. And that’s what I thought was happening last night, until I looked at the clock and saw that it said 2:19. That’s TWO NINETEEN. In the morning. That is absurd. Tonight everyone gets sleeping drugs.

I think I might have been able to handle it if they’d just been restless – moving around, getting on an off the bed. But no, this was like the US versus the Viet Cong for crying out loud. There were sneak attacks and fighting dirty. Twice they rolled over and continued to wrestle on my face. It’s not a ring, cats! It’s a face! And I’d prefer it not be scratched to ribbons.

And then they have the nerve to run over when I’m getting ready to go in the morning and snuggle against my legs and request pettings and scratchings. Did I give them these things? Well, yes, I’m not a monster, but I did give them dirty looks the whole time.

So, the result is now that I’ve gotten very little sleep. I have two meetings this morning so I had better fill up on coffee in the meantime.  Bleargh…

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