Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Naked tornado

I've always thought it was a really cheesy bit - the thing in sitcoms and movies where they are making fun of a character's age, and they have him do something mundane* like bend over to pick something up off a table and then he shrieks in pain:
OH! My back, I threw out my back! Someone help me to a chair and get me some Ensure!!

Right? Lame! And fake! But maybe not so much? Because, yeah, yesterday morning as I was getting out of the shower I leaned over to get my towel as I have done thousands of times before and then I kind of shrieked in pain because holy crap I did something terrible to my neck. I could barely move it without wanting to cry cry cry.

I took some painkillers when I got to work but the whole day I avoided turning my head. Luckily I have a chair that swivels. The thing is that Tuesdays are yoga days with J so I told her early on that I might not be able to yoga. She countered with possibly the most brilliant plan ever. Are you paying attention? Because I'm only going to say this once:
She suggested that if we didn't do yoga we should get some ice cream and then hang out in the gym sauna.
SO good, right? Ice cream, then a sauna. I KNOW. Folks, we did just that.
The ice cream place near the gym has these things called microsundaes. They're a little bigger than a shot glass and that's the perfect size for me because they still come with hot fudge and whipped cream. I had toasted coconut flavored ice cream. I really think it helped my neck.
Then we went to the gym and sat in the sauna (which for your information is approximately 140 degrees) for a little while. Afterward, a shower was in order. I don't like to shower in strange places but I also don't like to put on my new winter coat over the sweatiest body in the world, so I decided to use the shower. It was then that I discovered how it must feel to be naked in a tornado. That was a strong shower.

Let me give you some advice for the next time you find yourself naked in a tornado:
Wear pasties. Or band-aids. Or some kind of protective-nipple-gear. Otherwise, it's a really good time. Quite pleasant, really.

Tonight I have plans with the Man to go to yoga. We will not be skipping for the sauna, so I hope that my neck starts to feel a little bit better. If not, there might be some whimpering and begging for ice cream.

*I originally typed this word as "mundance"**. Aaaaand I think I invented a new word. MUNDANCE: a boring, ordinary dance. n. "I abandoned my date because I wanted to win the Jack Rabbit Slim's Twist contest but he could only perform a sad mundance." v. "My parents were mundancing at the Arbor Day Gala"***.

**Funny story: I was typing this post, I typed "mundance". Then the computer just shut down on me like a little bitch, and I started to re-type the post, and I accidentally typed "mundance" AGAIN. The mundance: it is powerful.

***This is just an example sentence. I have never seen my parents dance. But I think they would be good at it.

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