I love my family. Love it. I love spending time with them; they're funny, smart, pleasant people. I'm really looking forward to going to Atlanta in a few days and chilling with them, in a place where I can be myself. I can stay in my pajamas all day. I can read and nap on the couch no matter what's going on around me. I can help my mom with Christmas dinner. Mmm.
There's always that part of me that when presented with my family, regresses to a much younger Leslie. The Leslie I was before I actually grew up into the Leslie I am. This younger Leslie still sprints to the car to race her brother so that she can secure the "shotgun" seat. Yes, we're 33 and 36 years old, folks.
Considering these facts, I have compiled a brief lists of DOs and DON'Ts for myself for this trip, to maximize the enjoyment of everyone. Even if it means taking ten years off my life because of all the butter I must consume.
DO have a glass of wine (starting at 11am-ish).
DON'T talk about politics if you want people to continue using "inside voices".
DO put your feet up on the couch and relax.
DON'T wrestle with your brother and slam each other into a wall knocking down precious art.
DO have another glass of wine.
DON'T talk shit about Two and a Half Men.
DO have two sandwiches for lunch. Extra cheese on mine! Yes, I'd LOVE a vodka-cranberry.
DON'T talk while Dad's on the phone.
DO have some cookies.
DON'T touch the remotes. You don't know which one does what!
DO start another bottle of wine.
DON'T open the cream puffs - they're for dessert!
DO go sit at the table for dinner. What do you mean you're not hungry anymore??