Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tagged, part 1

So, I've been tagged by FeatherNester and I am compelled to reveal 7 interesting things about myself. As ScarletLily wrote, I'm not sure if they'll be all that interesting, and I know the same bloggers as those ladies, so I may not be able to tag others, but I'm game for the exercise. I think this may be in parts, because I do need to do that thing where I work to bring home the bacon. Mmmm...bacon.

1. I am grateful. I cannot stress how much of an effect this has on the way I live my life. When the leaves come out in spring, I could cry every time I look at them. I am elated when my younger cat nuzzles up against me like a little spoon on weekend mornings when I'm still in bed. I like going to work, and I've been staying later and later because I feel a personal responsibility to the fabulous, energetic people I work with. I am grateful that I can make a delicious chocolate cake. And that my brother has the same twisted sense of humor I do. And that I have the resources to contact friends and family who live far away. And that I am healthy. And that I can be on stage frequently enough to get my theatre fix - and that people come to see me and say I'm good at it. Also, I am grateful, with soul-tickling bliss, at the constant love, generosity, faith and companionship I get from my friends, by whom I am so impressed. Let it never be said that I don't know what I have. I do.

2. I am simultaneously incredibly self conscious and an exhibitionist. These things are in no way mutually exclusive. Nor are they contradictory, really. It's not as though being self-conscious means that I feel like I'm a hideous troll, while being an exhibitionist means that I think I'm the prettiest girl at the party...I think neither of those thoughts. I put these two traits together because I think they're linked, and I'm not sure I would be one without being the other.
I am very aware of my body, which is good and bad. It makes me hyper-vigilant/mildly obsessive about things that I'm wearing. I have been referred to as "well-put-together", which always tickles me. It's because I always have an eye on what my body is doing: how it's positioned, my posture, the look on my face, does my body language indicate that I'm engaged with what's happening? Am I friendly, cold, distracted? For years, I behaved very consciously as if I was being watched at all times, even when I was alone at home. I enjoyed the fake attention, and the opportunity to analyze my own movements and behaviors. Weird, dude - I know.
As an extension of this awareness, I've developed an actual joy of being seen. I model nude, I do theatre, I occasionally display strange behavior in public (host a talk show on the T, anyone?) to ensure that it's not just my imaginary camera following me. It's not as though I require all of the attention all of the time; I'm an introvert and that might actually kill me. I simply need to know that my efforts are not for nothing. I think that this side of me has helped me to be comfortable in business meetings, on stage, naked in broad daylight, what have you... Judge if you must.

3. I love being a host. Love it. I love the preparation that goes into having people over to my place - the responsibility, the planning, the cleaning, the lists, the spreading out of the napkins and getting infrequently used dessert plates out of the cabinet. I love matching wine glasses and the savory smells and people laughing and eating and telling stories. I love the arc of hungry people getting full and sleepy.
I love to be thought of as a gracious host. I want to make people happy and satisfied. If you knock on my door at 3am, I WILL make you an egg salad sandwich with bacon and lettuce on fancy french bread.

More later...


Scarlet Lily said...

Awesome list so far - so genuine and interesting. Very much looking forward to the other 4!

die Frau said...

I agree with all you write and am glad to know you and call you my friend.

You are an excellent and generous hostess and you make a mean breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And hors d'oeuvres.

Wonderland said...

Yum - I am coming to your house right now! I'm missing you. Frau - Can you actually spell hors d'oeuvres on a comment page without a spell checker or did you look it up?! I am more impressed with you every day...